Dearly beloved,
we gather here to say
our goodbyes

Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of Mother Earth
On these nights when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass- You bet your ass to-
La Vie Boheme

I sing the beginning of this song in ode to the death of something dearly beloved to me, and that which has been a part of my life for the past 4-5 years. Dear MP3 player, I shall miss you. You kept me entertained when times were dull. You have suffered many abuses and tortures in which no one should ever have to suffer. I have held you close to me when times seemed bleak, you cheered me up when I was sad, you egged me on when I was feeling emo sad and wanting to listen to emo music to ensure a profitable self pity party. You lasted many hours in the studio with me, sat by my side during long car trips, you've seen vacations come and go, flights out and into the country, you inspired me to clean more, you inspired me to dance, you inspired me to do obscene things with people, you've inspired me to go that extra 20 minutes at the gym. Oh, how I miss thee... but tonight, I shall put your lifeless husk to rest, and savor the days I had with thee. Those nights that you cooed me to sleep, those days you soothed my tears, I never got the chance *sob* to tell you these things before the accident...

Yes... the accident. I'm sorry... the treadmill was just too much for you.. and the way you bounced off the eliptical machine behind, it was in slow motion for me... with out music even.

Goodbye dear friend. I'll never forget what you have done for me.

Create your own Friend Test here

So... it's official. My boyfriend rocks hardcore. He made me brownies, from scratch, with icing from scratch... perfect brownies too! This is right after making dinner, from scratch. This man frikking rocks!

One of the many reasons I love him. ^_^

How moody I am today: ecstatic

So I'm sitting in my new home. Over the river and through Sharon Woods, to my new ohio residency I go. It's nice. A lovely little apartment, away from the chaos and drugs. God, that drove me batty. Tim was upset with all the shit that was going down, so we picked me up and moved me into his apartment. Hopefully this time goes around better than the last few tries I've had with living with my chosen mates. It feels different this time, something strange I cannot place my finger on exactly, perhaps it's just that I feel like I'm home. Something that has been a lost feeling to me for the past million years or something. Tim is good to me, and I'm good to him. We care for each other deeply and take care of the other. When I was sick, he picked me up from work and made me homemade soup and comforted me. When his ailment is acting up, I help him around the apartment and drive him where he needs to go.

Thus far there haven't been too many altercations and those we've had we have settled before bed, which is a good thing I suppose. I don't have breakdowns, and the one I've had within the past 6 months were over the fact I'm graduating and I am really going to miss that school. Well, mostly the print room with Heidi and Andrea, who acted as my second family. Tim was there for that. He held me and assured me that everything will be alright and I can always go and visit to wreak havoc. I just can't believe that after Saturday it's all over and I'm out of there. It's amazing. I've no real job lined up, but I'm looking around at places and I have some potentials for my artwork.

I have a gallery that may be interested in my work. I'll keep the community (those that still read) posted on what goes on where and if so what time. Andrea says that my art this year has proved that I can make it into the art world and easily sell my stuff when I get it out in the public. She feels really confident about it and is urging me strongly to get a website going. Andrea insists that I have a career ahead of me with this. I hope she's right.

Trinny cat is very happy here. It's just the three of us in this place. No psycho kitten, no psycho weiner, no drug use and second hand pot smoke to make her high, no chaos. Just peace and love... and no milk. Tim has discovered in a very bad way what happens when you give her milk... it's biological warfare... the gaseous kind. ... yeah.

I don't know why this place feels like home, but it has for a while now. I feel comfortable and at ease here, like this is where I belong. Me, my kitty and my nerd.

Home at last.

Tags: gallery opening, graduation, home, random bs.

I can't believe how far my drawings and art have advanced since high school. Hell! Even since the beginning of college! I found an old sketchbook... I had once thought it was a wicked cool sketchbook that put my others to shame... damn was I oh so wrong.

I started paging through it looking at past assignments from my art 100 class, the same very class I'm a teacher's aide in, and I'm in utter shock and horror of my work. Stuff I would strut about then is shameful compared to stuff I'm doing right now. It's so funny, I use to think I was hot shit and my work was superb! Now, after the sketchbook has been buried for over 4 years, I look back and cringe at my work. Holy crap this shit sucks!!! I mean, yeah, I had to go through that to get to where I am today, but on the same note... omigod it's bad! I mean, I guess in comparison it's total shit, but it's still better than some people's stuff too.

I mean, sure, there's some fun stuff in there... nothing I would show off to anybody now... but when you've gone through over 9 sketchbooks in the past 6 years... there's bound to be shit and there's stuff that's getting better and instances when I look back and say 'How the fuck did I forget how to draw clothing?! I did before! Why can't I now! I guess my people are meant to be nekkid! W00T to teh Nudity!"

So in paging through this sketchbook, I have seen some crap and I remember drawing half of that crap. It's funny really... I look at each picture and can see myself sitting there, or laying there, or standing, or any combination of the three drawing. I remember what the room looked like, what my hair looked like, and my environment. I then came across a sketch of CB I'd done.

It was eerie. I could see them playing cards, CB next to Rob who was next to Dave who was next to Joe with Crystal on the couch watching some anime. I was laying on the floor with Trinny cat lying ontop of me doing what she does best. The table set was this hideous sea green wicker set that CB had gotten from his mother or a relative of some sort. the table was a glass top, the carpet was that ugly beige color that they put into apartments that 'go with everything'. There were grease stains on the carpet from moving stuff where the joints of the metal objects left stains. The ceiling fan was turning, creating a semi cool breeze in the hot apartment, and the soft yellow glow of the 75 watt bulbs shining down upon the game. I lay there watching my husband as he smirked. He had a lousy poker face. I then drew him with his smirk. Laying on the floor with my cat on my back and pencil in hand, going to town.

Sadly, it's one of the few sketches in that notebook that are decent. It's kind of a pain looking back when you don't really want to, remembering a scene of a point in your life you want to be forgotten. This makes me think now, in 6 years, when I page through my sketchbooks, what will I think? What memories will I see? What ones will I grin at and what ones will I cringe to? What memories will be bittersweet in my mouth at that point in time? What will my work be like then? It's hard to tell, but in time, I will be able to look back and remember, and when I do remember, what points in my current will I not want to remember?

How moody I am today: shocked

Somedays this is exactly how I feel. ^_^

Holy crap... another long gap of time between posts... and I wouldn't be one bit shocked if no one actually reads this anymore.

I have concluded that I should not be allowed to go on vacation anymore. Yep. I said it. I can't do vacations. I go away and come back to drama and trauma left and right. While sitting in the airport in Florida, missing Tim to death and wishing that my flight was indeed 5 hours earlier (nothing's more fun than sitting in an airport for 5 hours with your exhausted family who's growing just as grumpy as you are by the minute) and getting a call from Martina. Gavin's sick. He has MRSA... that's the antibiotic resistant strain of staph that's been plaguing the schools, day care centers and hospitals left and right lately, leaving in it's wake a mess of illing people and several dead. Great. I feel for the little bugger, he's 2! At that time, it was bleak looking. Martina, while keeping her calm and seemingly holding up well, was hurt and dying on the inside. I can just tell. So, she told me not to come home. He's much better now! (she turned me into a newt!)

I felt bad because I wanted to come home to see my friends and my cat. After being gone for already 6 days, my cat was already pissed at me, and being gone for another 3... she'd be hulk angry. So I went straight up to Tim's place after I got to my car. I missed my car so much... but no where near as much as I missed my Tim. Stayed the weekend up there, subjugated him to my coworkers for a lovely dinner at Texas Roadhouse, in which the irony lied is when we got home Roadhouse was on TV and Tim absolutely had to watch it because he was making snarky roadhouse references all night long at dinner. The pharmacy girls loved him, which makes me glad because I love him too and the opinions of my friends means much to me when it comes to lovers. (My friends know me better than me and can see stuff that I cannot at times.) We all laughed, we ate, we made jokes, and Tim and I had to leave early because he wasn't feeling too well. His right side was acting up, so I took the fall so he wouldn't feel bad about it. I had my flu shot that day, so being the baby I was during and right after getting it (my boss was making fun of me about it) I just said I wasn't feeling up to par and we should scoot out.

All I have to say is... this country is ass backwards when it comes to homeland security. It's so much easier to get back into the frikkin country than to get out. Going from Cincy to Florida there were 7 different security checkpoints, from Florida to the Bahamas there were 3 more. From the Bahamas to Florida to cincy there were 2... one with the scanners, and at customs they asked "do you have anything you shouldn't?' 'No,' 'Alright Mon! Have a nice flight!'...

There's something wrong with that.

Yesterday Tim and I spent the day mostly in book stores. He sheepishly asks if we could go to a bookstore and I was all for it... little did he know he'd be dragging me out 3 hours later only to end up at another bookstore. ^_^ I like books! I think he likes that because he does too. His ex wife hated them and she hated that he read so much... so he felt really awkward asking if we could go. I think he was surprised that i got sucked into them as much as he did. So our sunday was spent in bookstores and at Ihop. Sounds like a lazy nerdy sunday to me. ^_^

And last night, I come back to the house and Trinity is waiting for me at the door. She is all over me for the first 5 minutes and then makes a point of ignoring me for the next 2 hours after. She also made a point of it to sleep ontop of me last night not letting me move. If I tried to move she'd grumble and growl her opinion to me and I'd be stuck. That's what happens when you don't see your cat for over a week. She's going to make sure you don't go anywhere for a while. ^_^ I love my kitty!

Anyway, I need to get my car looked at again.. she's idling rough and not too happy about shifting gears. Hooray...

Tags: bookstores, homeland security, mrsa, roadhouse, tim

*Sigh*

Where do I begin?

So August is sucking ass all the way around Seriously, I want to sit this one out. If there's been an Emo Ned within the past half year, she's here now sitting in my place lamenting over the fast balls life throws at her.

Since August has began, shit has hit the fan, and now it's spinning around the room bespeckling the walls, and who's left to clean it up? I am. Not alone, mind you, but still.

Here's a list of the shit that's happened so far:

August 1st

1:Tiffany from work gets arrested and escorted out of Sam's. She's been skimming vicodin from the pharmacy and they have video proof of her doing so. I feel betrayed in a sense like no other. We were all shocked to learn this and all of us feel lied to. I mean, I especially feel lied to. I didn't find this out until today when I went in and Sherry was there and Tiff wasn't. I asked Sherry where Tiff was, and she did the eye roll and heaved sigh. I asked if she was ok, and she said no; she's not coming back. Then she told me. That was a brick to the face. Needless to say, I was stunned for the rest of the day until around 5, when all I wanted to do was crawl into a corner and cry.


August 2nd:
1: this is the day I find out about Tiff.

2: I get home, and Martina is tells me that she has something to tell me, and she doesn't want to because she doesn't want me to get mad or loose me. I sit patietly on the couch, hands crossed on my lap and I take a deep breath. I close my eyes and think :what else now? She tells me that she's been keeping something from me: when she was in florida and had her fling with Willie, the condom broke. Now she's missed her period. She's scared shitless. I can't blam her. She pleads for me to still be her friend because she's so scared to loose me. I sit by her and tell her that it's alright. I'm by her side no matter what road she chooses, and it takes a whole lot more to loose my friendship. She's spastic. I can't blame her.

So this has been my august so far. I don't want any part of it. Wake me up in September.

I am on the biggest artistic dry spell EVER! It's driving me nuts! AHHHHHH!!

How moody I am today: disappointed

Wow. So I just used my neti pot that I had just received in the mail just little over an hour ago, and I can smell all sorts of things! My sinuses feel soooooo clean!

There's some drama happening here and there, ask me and I'll tell you about it. ^_^

But beyond that, all is well. I got off early today because I switched shifts with Rosetta because she had a dental appointment that she needed to go to. They really fucked up her teeth badly the last few times, so they are fixing what they wronged. Poor woman, shit hits the fan for her almost daily, she rolls with it so easily though.

Anyway, so life's been... interesting and loads of fun as of late. Between hanging out with old friends and meeting up with new, it's been a roller coaster ride of constant hustle and bustle. Tonight, this is if Matt gets off work early, we should be out bowling. Good times, I think I want to watch some Big Lebowski before I bowl though to get me in the mood.

With in the past week: Julia, Matty and I watched some Monty Python and we had drinks. That was FUN! Especially the drunken Wii at 5 am. (this is Matty, not Matt, two different Matts here... Matty is Matt from the printmaking classes we had, our soccer buddy, and Matt is the Matt I'm seeing). So then Julia and I went to a party where we met up with her sister and Shane, the guy that Martina has a beef with, but it's now resolved due to my neutrality between the two. Then Matt and I have been hanging out, I watched Sidney, who was one of Cooper's puppies, and then Martina came back from Florida, which makes her second long assed road trip this month, and then talked to Heidi and listened to her man thing drama, Sword fought with Pat and Jerilyn at Pioneer park yesterday (which is nerdy fun),then found out that one of my exes is getting a sex change operation (from female to male), and then wrote the longest run on sentence I've ever written to this day. It's been WILD!

Work's been riotous fun, and tomorrow is Vaginal tyranny night, so we'll be raising hell out somewhere in the tristate area.

Muah ha ha ha! I'm soooo busy!

Well, enough of that. I need a shower.

How moody I am today: amused